


this is what breathtaking feels like

by gayheroine



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, SO MUCH FLUFF, Smut, basically jiwoo being a puppy in love, drunk!jiwoo, sooyoung is just soft for her
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-07-03 10:03:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15816663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayheroine/pseuds/gayheroine
Summary: jiwoo looked at the woman next to her, and something in her chest grew tight and warm, like it was full to the point of overflow.this, thought jiwoo. this was what every version of her, across every universe, had been waiting for all along.





	this is what breathtaking feels like

**Author's Note:**

> so I’m soft and gay for them and this is what happened.

The first time Jiwoo and Sooyoung kissed, it wasn’t exactly something out of a romance movie.

After “Heart Attack” dropped, Haseul took the girls out for a night on the town to celebrate.

Jiwoo remembers feeling lighter than she ever had in her life. Maybe that’s why, when Jungeun pushed a shot in front of her with a conspiratorial wink, Jiwoo only hesitated for a moment before downing it.

An hour and a couple more empty shot glasses later, Jiwoo felt a little like she was floating.

“I’m small,” she moaned, leaning on her best friend, Yves’ - no wait, Sooyoung’s - shoulder, who had just asked her how much she had to drink. “I’m sorry.”

Jiwoo felt Sooyoung’s soft laughter and her eyes focused in on her plump, red lips stretching into a gentle smile. “What’s so funny?” she said, words slurring together.

“You,” Sooyoung said, eyes crinkled at the corners.

Then Jiwoo heard the song change to one that was very, very familiar. But she couldn’t place it, and she dragged herself upright to try and listen better.

“Oh my god,” she vaguely heard Hyunjin say. “She’s totally smashed.”

Two blurs stopped in front of her and then Jiwoo saw that Jinsol had emerged from the crowd of dancers, Jungeun by her side. “Jiwoo, you idiot,” she said. “Come dance. It’s your song.”

“My song?” Jiwoo said, half to herself. “What’s my song?” She wracked her brain for her favorite song.

“Your _song_ ,” Jinsol said, exasperation finding its way into her tone. “You know, the one that you sing? The reason why we’re here tonight?”

The words cleared some of the fog in Jiwoo’s mind and her lips opened in a slight “o”.

She stood up abruptly and heard some of the girls sitting at their table make noises of alarm. “I’m fine, I’m fine!” she said, though the room was moving around her and there was nothing she could do about it. Blinking, she turned to Sooyoung. “I want to dance and you should come with me because Yves totally would,” she said, smiling in what she thought was a winning fashion.

“First, Chuu is the one in love with Yves, not the other way around,” said Sooyoung, letting out an amused huff. “And I guess I will, if only to stop you from falling over and being trampled.”

Jiwoo let out a cheer and tried to jump for joy like she saw in the movies, but just ended up flat on her ass.

Sooyoung was there, helping her up. “Please don’t try to jump like that tonight.”

“But in my music video I do it!” said Jiwoo.

“Real life is different than a music video,” Sooyoung countered, sliding an arm around Jiwoo’s waist and maneuvering her to the dance floor. “It’s much messier.”

The song was thankfully only halfway through the second verse when they got there. Jiwoo couldn’t help but to bounce in time with the beat. “Ooh, ooh, ooh,” she said as she bounced. “Do you know what part’s coming next? Bet I can do it better than I did it in the studio, right now.”

Sooyoung raised a brow. “Are you sure about that? I don’t even think you remember your choreography right now.”

Jiwoo held up a finger because she was very, very determined to prove she could do it.

The beat changed up and Jiwoo opened her mouth, saying the words she rehearsed so much that they practically rolled off her tongue, smooth and slippery.

When she finished, Sooyoung was in stitches. Jiwoo beamed. “How did I do?”

“Please,” Sooyoung said, gasping for breath. “Do that again tonight so I can record it.”

“So, I did good?”

Sooyoung wiped tears of mirth from her eyes. “You could say that.”

Satisfaction rushed through Jiwoo and she spent the rest of the chorus skipping around Sooyoung, doing one of her dance moves over and over in a manner that made Sooyoung completely lose it again.

Unfortunately, though Jiwoo still felt like she was floating, she was not, in fact, floating, and she tripped over her own shoe and fell face-first into Sooyoung.

The older girl caught her, of course. She always did.

“I think,” her best friend began. “That we should get you out of here.”

Jiwoo shook her head, nestled against Sooyoung’s soft chest. “No.”

“No?”

“No.”

Jiwoo felt a puff of air on her head. “You’re a silly drunk.”

“Maybe.”

Sooyoung shook her head and Jiwoo registered that the bridge of her song was playing.

She always liked that part. Listening to her bridge for the first time was the first time she had understood how to play Chuu. She had had trouble with acting as Chuu; she and Chuu were similar, but different at their cores.

It was odd, Jiwoo thought. Because that night, looking up at Sooyoung with her soft, pretty smile and shining eyes, Jiwoo felt like she and Chuu were one and the same.

Finding herself with the inexplicable urge to get away from other people, Jiwoo pressed herself closer to Sooyoung. “Sooyoung,” she said in a loud whisper that - actually - was probably not much of a whisper.

Sooyoung’s eyes flicked down. Her eyes were dark. “Jiwoo.”

“Can you take me to the bathroom?” Jiwoo said, pressing her thighs together, fuzzily feeling a vague heat in between.

Without further prompting, Sooyoung spun around and pulled Jiwoo by the hand.

Everything was blurry except for the feeling of the soft warmth of Sooyoung’s hand and the curtain of long, dark hair in front of her. Jiwoo’s eyes followed it, mesmerized.

Sooner than she expected, she found herself in a dark club bathroom, leaning against a sink, Sooyoung close.

She could barely make anything out, but her eyes traced Sooyoung’s figure - her hips, her waist, her chest - and Jiwoo felt the tang of copper on her tongue and realized she was biting down on her lip, hard.

Sooyoung’s eyes were fixed on her mouth.

“I feel like,” Jiwoo said, licking her lower lip dry. “Right now, I’m Chuu and you’re Yves.”

Sooyoung came closer and Jiwoo couldn’t help but to stare at her lips, full, wet and parted.

“What would Chuu do right now?” Sooyoung said, voice low, so close that Jiwoo could feel her body heat.

“This,” Jiwoo said, and she threw her arms around Sooyoung and greedily crashed their lips together.

Sooyoung’s lips were soft and warm and Jiwoo’s head spun with the feeling of their wet lips meeting and the scent of Sooyoung’s shampoo as Sooyoung surged forward, a deep noise in her throat. She was drunk and everything was hot, so, so hot, between their bodies and Sooyoung’s mouth and the space between Jiwoo’s thighs.

A hand found her ass and grabbed it, roughly, and Jiwoo moaned into Sooyoung’s mouth. Sooyoung’s hand didn’t stay there, though, to Jiwoo’s sadness. It slid down to her thigh, and joined by another, hoisted Jiwoo into the air.

They were still kissing, hard and feverish, and Jiwoo pressed herself even closer to Sooyoung, back arching into the older girl and legs wrapping around her waist. She felt Sooyoung’s teeth pressing into her lower lip - accidental or on purpose, Jiwoo didn’t care - and she let out a _whimper_ as heat rushed between her legs, the feeling almost unbearable.

“Please,” said Jiwoo as they broke for air, chests heaving. Her voice felt soft and breathy. “Sooyoung, please.”

Even in the dark, Jiwoo could see that Sooyoung’s pupils were impossibly blown.

“You’re so fucking hot,” she said, and Jiwoo almost whimpered again.

She ground her core against Sooyoung, wanting - no - needing the friction. “Take care of me,” she begged, voice high.

“You’re lucky you wore a skirt tonight,” said Sooyoung, before perching her on the edge of the sink and settling her head between Jiwoo’s thighs, all Jiwoo remembered beyond that was tipping her head back and feeling white-hot pleasure race through every inch of her body.

* * *

The next few times they kissed, it was the same type of situation: one of them needy, dragging the other off away from the rest of the girls to satisfy their desires.

Nothing between them changed. They were just friends who had sex.

And it was some really, really rocking sex. Probably the best sex Jiwoo had, ever, and who would have thought it would be with her best friend?

Not her, but maybe Chuu.

“Hey, Jiwoo,” said Chaewon, taking the seat next to her. “You’ve been looking happier, lately, which I would’ve thought is impossible, but apparently not.” A shit eating grin grew on her face. “Do you have a secret boyfriend?”

The old Jiwoo would have blushed, but she just shook her head. “Why do you think that?” she asked. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Sooyoung enter the kitchen.

“Oh, no reason, I guess,” Chaewon said, sitting back. “If it’s not true,” Her eyes were thoughtful as she gazed at Jiwoo.

“Sorry to bother, but could I borrow Jiwoo for a minute?” asked Sooyoung, a gentle smile on her lips and a familiar heat in her eyes. Jiwoo’s mouth went dry.

“Sure, no problem,” said Chaewon, still watching Jiwoo.

Later on, as she was backed against the wall of a broom closet, coming with three of Sooyoung’s long, slender fingers buried deep inside of her, Jiwoo realized that she didn’t even want a boyfriend anymore.

* * *

Her apparent turn to lesbianism was probably inevitable, Jiwoo thought.

She briefly entertained the thought of liking both, but quickly threw the idea out of the window. Even when she thought she wanted a boyfriend, she never really _wanted_ one.

And women were so, so good. Jiwoo didn’t understand how some girls weren’t even a little gay, really.

Soon, Chaewon and then Hyejoo were chosen and released their respective music videos. Along with Chuu and Yves, Go Won and Olivia Hye formed the next subunit, yyxy, and they started filming their debut song together.

Jiwoo made the mistake of thinking that nothing would change.

Suddenly, it was much, much harder to keep her eyes off of Sooyoung - to even stay away from Sooyoung. She had always known Sooyoung was gorgeous, but as she hovered by the camera monitor, trained on Sooyoung, softly-lit by the morning light and smiling, something jumped in Jiwoo’s chest.

Jiwoo didn’t know what it was, but as she took in Sooyoung, mouthing the words to love4eva, perfect lips smoothly breaking into a gorgeous smile, eyes finding Jiwoo’s, she didn’t ever want to stop staring.

That night, it was the first time they were tender. When Jiwoo heard Sooyoung let out a quiet, breathy moan when she came, something in her chest grew tight and warm, like it was full to the point of overflow.

* * *

The next few kisses weren’t in the bedroom or bathroom or broom closet.

After filming wrapped up and the twelve girls settled into living together before their debut, Jiwoo found excuses to kiss Sooyoung every day.

It started with a kiss to her cheek, when the girls were joking about her and Sooyoung was pretending to be cold towards them, though a smile was making the ends of her lips curl up.

“We love you anyway, Sooyoung,” said Jungeun as the girls laughed at her expression.

Jiwoo was nestled into Sooyoung’s side and on a whim, she craned her head up and lightly kissed Sooyoung’s smooth cheek. She pulled back but stayed where she was, taking in all of Sooyoung’s features.

Sooyoung’s face didn’t change, but Jiwoo felt her fingers entangle with hers.

* * *

There must be a spark in her heart, thought Jiwoo.

Sooyoung had taken her to the dance studio to get her creative input on a piece. That was why Jiwoo found herself standing in the middle of the room, rooted in place with wonder.

Somehow fluid and airy at the same time, Sooyoung’s movement quality was captivating. Ever the technician, her forms were perfect as she sunk into plié after plié, shifting from first position to second back to first, then finally gathering herself to spin into fouetté after fouetté. Jiwoo followed the elegant line of her leg folding in and out of passe again and again and the corded muscles of her calf, sustaining her perfect balance.

Jiwoo’s chest hurt.

After an eternity of watching Sooyoung, eyes half-closed, a smile playing at her lips and the golden light of the sky right before sunset making her black hair shine as it whipped around again and again, Sooyoung spun to a stop and came back down to earth with the grace of her swan.

She smiled back at Jiwoo, chest heaving from exertion and a sheen of sweat on her face. Some of her hair stuck to her face, and Jiwoo didn’t think she had ever seen anything more divine. “How did I do?”

Her chest was impossibly tight and Jiwoo felt every beat of her heart. “I think I’m in love with you,” she said, the words spilling out, imperfect and too loud, in typical Jiwoo fashion.

Sooyoung’s cheeks pinked and Jiwoo suddenly found herself in front of her, staring into her dark brown eyes, flecked with black, then tracing her eyes down the curve of her nose, finding that one small mole on her nose that Sooyoung usually covered with makeup. “I’m not taking that back,” she said as Sooyoung remained silent, her heart pounding. “I don’t think I could if I tried.”

Sooyoung shook her head almost imperceptibly. “I know.” She sighed. “This is just like you.”

Jiwoo blinked. “What?”

“To just blurt it out like that!” Sooyoung said, perfect lips forming into a pout. “Do you not think I’m worthy of a better love confession?”

Jiwoo stuttered and sputtered but couldn’t find an answer, mind racing and thoughts blank for a good few moments.

But then she felt gentle fingers lightly grip her chin, an arm slipping around her waist. Sooyoung was looking down at her, smile so impossibly warm, eyes crinkled into half-crescents and Jiwoo felt like her heart stop. The golden light lit up Sooyoung’s eyes and Jiwoo lost herself in their vitreous brown depths, swimming with joy.

Jiwoo wasn’t sure who leaned forward first. Maybe they both did.

Sooyoung’s then-familiar lips slotted with hers perfectly, like they were meant for each other. Her lips were still so incredibly soft and plush and sweet, tasting of Sooyoung’s peach chapstick, and Jiwoo could only fling her arms around Sooyoung’s neck, pulling her even closer.

Sooyoung made a small, loving noise and Jiwoo was aware of so many sensations at once: Sooyoung’s hand gently framing Jiwoo’s face, thumb rubbing across her cheek; her tiny breaths through her nose, the exhalations warming the space between Jiwoo’s nose and upper lips, carrying Sooyoung’s internal body heat; her body, pressed up against her, always warm, always solid, always present.

The light from the window was warm on her back as Sooyoung’s peach scent permeated the air, and their lips moved in perfect tandem, spiking Jiwoo’s heart rate with every movement until she felt she might explode.

If there was a spark in her heart, it would have long since combusted.

* * *

Sooyoung’s words - _do you not think I’m worthy of a better love confession?_ \- stuck with Jiwoo. Maybe Chuu had gotten to her, the hopeless romantic, because she found herself making a plan.

They were dating, then, Jiwoo guessed, but she wasn’t sure, beyond knowing they both loved each other. Her and Sooyoung never really talked about it. There were unwritten rules; they wouldn’t do anything around the girls; their relationship was known to them, and only them. But Jiwoo figured it was time for that to change.

She made a special request to Haseul one day. The next, the girls gathered for a karaoke session in their dorm’s living room.

It was a fun night. None of them even needed alcohol to come completely unhinged. Jiwoo was in stitches multiple times, from when Jungeun and Jinsol sang a rendition of “I’ll Make a Man Out of You” to Vivi, calling it “I’ll Make a Human Out of You”, to when Yeojin sang a song from _Princess and the Frog_ entirely in a frog voice, hopping around the whole time, to when Heejin and Hyunjin improvised a ridiculous fight scene to the soundtrack of _Karate Kid_.

She was nervous, maybe more nervous than she had been her whole life, but her friends’ antics reminded her why she was about to do what she had planned to do. Jiwoo loved them all so much and didn’t want to hide anything anymore.

“Hey Jiwoo,” said Hyejoo, face red from laughter. “Do you want to go? You’re the last one up.”

Nodding, Jiwoo set her jaw. Haseul nodded at her, already having the song queued up, but unaware of Jiwoo’s plan.

Walking up to the front of the room, Jiwoo took the microphone from Hyunjin. “So, uh, hey guys,” she said, scratching the back of her head. “I have a little speech before I begin.”

“First,” Jiwoo began. “I want to let everyone know that I really suck at words, and I’m sorry if this makes no sense.”

A current of laughter ran through the girls. “We already know!” said Jungeun, grinning. “Get to it!”

“Okay,” said Jiwoo, a wide smile coming to her lips. “Well, this speech is going to be about something really, really, important to me, and maybe it’s going to be a little cheesy, but please don’t laugh.”

“I’ve learned a lot about myself this past year, as a performer, as an idol, and as a person. I learned how to pretend how to be in love.” Her eyes found Sooyoung, who was watching her, expression curious. “And then I fell in love.”

Sooyoung’s eyes widened.

Jiwoo heard a few surprised noises but kept her eyes fixed on Sooyoung. “I fell in love with someone who is the most gorgeous person I know, inside and out. I didn’t even notice it at first,” she said, smile turning a bit bashful. “But after this person took care of me one day,” Jiwoo saw Sooyoung’s cheeks redden a bit. “I began to realize that really, I’d always been in love with this person.”

“I could talk about them for hours, I think,” Jiwoo said, watching Sooyoung’s expression soften. “They’re the most beautiful dancer, singer, and performer - the visual of my heart - and underneath their occasional coldness, there’s boundless compassion and grace.”

The look on Sooyoung’s face was impossibly tender. Jiwoo heard coos from the other girls.

“So, I’m going to perform this song, which is really ironic now, because I don’t have to act any of it anymore,” Jiwoo said, feeling like her face might split from her smile.

The familiar beat began, and to cheers from the other girls, Jiwoo sang her heart out.

She meant every lyric, Jiwoo realized. Every time she looked at Sooyoung, who seemed rooted in place, a huge smile stretching her lips, she felt headier and headier.

The choreography no longer felt like just a chore; it felt like she couldn’t resist it - couldn’t resist Chuu’s love for Yves and Jiwoo’s love for Sooyoung.

Three minutes came to an end in a flash, and Jiwoo finished her last high note and finished the last movement, chest heaving. It was the most she had given to a performance.

In the silence that followed, Jiwoo brought the microphone to her lips again. “How’s that for a love confession?” she asked, voice a bit rough, eyes fixed on Sooyoung.

The room’s attention swung to Sooyoung, who was still sitting, staring up at Jiwoo with something in her eyes that Jiwoo couldn’t name. Jiwoo prayed for her to not run away.

Sooyoung stood up, and Jiwoo’s eyes followed her until she was standing in front of her.

Resting her forehead on Jiwoo’s, she gazed at Jiwoo, big, beautiful brown eyes glossy. “It was perfect,” she whispered, voice gravelly, and a tear slipped down her face. Jiwoo instinctively moved her hand to wipe the tear, but all at once, Sooyoung was pressing Jiwoo to her and kissing her desperately, lovingly, a small sob racking her chest. Jiwoo felt her own eyes tear up as she melted into Sooyoung, hand coming up to cup her cheek.

Jiwoo distantly registered the room cheering as her heart thudded in her chest, almost painfully full.

She pulled apart from Sooyoung, who looked at her with that expression - _love_ , Jiwoo realized - again. “I think you’re actually attacking my heart,” Jiwoo said, with a shaky laugh. She took Sooyoung’s hand and put it atop her pounding heart.

Sooyoung just looked at her, gaze so fond that Jiwoo’s knees felt weak. She took Jiwoo’s hand and put it over the left side of her chest and - _oh_ \- her heart was pounding just as much, if not more, than Jiwoo’s.

There was a flash of light, and Jiwoo and Sooyoung looked over to see Hyejoo with a camera.

“Sorry,” she said and didn’t sound sorry at all. “You guys are just really, really, fucking gay and I wanted to capture it.”

Jiwoo and Sooyoung both turned beet red. Sooyoung began lecturing the younger member, voice an octave higher than usual, as the rest of the room fell into stitches.

Jiwoo watched the way her hair fell around her shoulders, the way her the space between her brows creased in the slightest, and the light in her shining brown eyes.

If Sooyoung really was her destiny, Jiwoo must have used up all her good fortune that any version of her had, in every possible universe.

She tangled her fingers with Sooyoung’s, and when Sooyoung looked back at her with the gentlest smile in any world, Jiwoo’s breath was taken away.

**Author's Note:**

> i took a break from writing my saida story to write this and wow, i don't regret it at all.
> 
> please leave kudos / drop a comment if you liked it!! it would make my day :))
> 
> UPDATE: oh man, thank you so much for all the support!!!! it really means the world to me - I never suspected so many people would like this. <3
> 
> btw I just made a twt for the new year (@ghdeukae). if anyone wants 2 follow for fic updates & gay content, give me some fic requests, or yell w me about loona and dreamcatcher.....please do :)


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